College Log Week 10

(I started writing this on Novemeber 29th I thought I’d revisit and finish this draft because I don’t want to lose the account of one of the best nights I’ve ever had. The current date being March 28th. )

This week has been hectic yet very eventful and enjoyable. On Monday, I started recording audio for a radio show project I have to do with two other people in my class. It was fun to do until the lecturer came in and had all 4 of us cram into the booth and watch the person record. When it got to me I recorded twice before saying to him ” You know I think I would work better if I recorded it myself, alone after getting to know my script a little better.” He goes to me “Yeah probably, anyways go again.” I recorded again and he asked me after that would I like to try it again and I said no because it was not going to get any better no matter how many times I would have recorded it. A girl in my class kissed me on the cheek a total of 3 times over the course of Monday and Tuesday while we were in college, needless to say I was very happy over those two days.

Throughout the week I was trying my luck at finding somewhere to stay on Thursday night because there was a party that all my friends were going to. So on Tuesday, on the way to college, I was talking to a girl on the bus that I talk to quite often, and she said that I could stay at her student accommodation. I was so excited because I’d never been to a party yet since being at college and I knew I would be having something to drink there so I couldn’t wait. So I hadn’t many lectures that day so after they were over, I went up to a friends house with two other friends and we had tea there. We then went back up to college with the intention of getting work done like writing journals and other assignments that are due in two weeks. Of course, we got out our laptops were ready to start working when 3rd years came in and started talking to us. Both of the radio society chair people were there for a bit together talking to us, but one of them talked to us for nearly like 2 hours. We didn’t really mind though because we were talking all about the future of the society and what we will be doing next semester while the 3rd years are gone. I’ve realized how much I’m going to miss some of the 3rd years, I’m like trying my hardest not to think about it.

The 3 people who I was “working” with from my year all left and went back home. I stayed behind and started taking photos for a photographic storyboard for a 60 second video I have to do. I was setting up my tripod and camera that I booked out from the college in the empty radio studio. The tripod I was using had a part that was a bit crooked and it was very stiff so it took a lot of force to move it. I managed to move it a bit and got it a bit straighter but I was still struggling to get it even straighter when I heard the door outside the studio open. It was my favourite person in all the college, her boyfriend was with her too. She could see my trying to fix the tripod outside through the window into the studio so she came into the studio and asked did I need help. Now she is doing the same course as me, she’s in 3rd year, and she is the chair person of the TV and Film Society, yet she managed to fuck up the tripod even more. I told her what I wanted to try and fix so she took off part of the tripod that the camera was attached to and then had trouble sticking it back in. This wasn’t even what really needed to be fixed, either way she eventually got it back into place and it still wasn’t straight but it was fine.

Wednesday arrived and I had the best intentions to actually get some work done and do the journals I should’ve done Tuesday evening with my other classmates, but that also didn’t go to plan. So I have a 2 hours free on Wednesday mornings before my classes start. I got off the bus and walked into the radio studio. One of the guys from 2nd year had his show on and 2 girls from his class were in talking on his show, one of which I’ve talked to a lot and am friends with(or at least I think I am) so I was excited to see her in there. I waved into the studio because I couldn’t go in because they were talking. They waved back at me. I sat down outside the studio, in what I will refer to from now on as the lobby I think, and I started taking out all the stuff I needed for my journals. They soon went back to playing music and the girl I’m friends with walked out of the studio over to me. I feel like I’ll be talking about her a bit so for the purpose of these blogs I will call her Misty (Unlike other names I’ve given on this, her name actually starts with an ‘S’ not an ‘M’).  I was still sitting down when she came out of the studio. She walked over to me and she gave me a hug and asked me how I was and remarked on how we hadn’t seen each other for a little bit, we hadn’t talked since the previous Thursday so nearly a week. She had to go to class so her and the other girl who was in the studio left. The guy who’s show it was, who’s also in her class, stayed behind to finish turning everything off. I’ll call him Dale (Didn’t realise I had given him a name already. In the recent blogs this Dale character is called Dexter. I will stick with Dexter for future blogs but for this I’ll just leave it as Dale). So Dale walked out and said that I looked lovely, I was wearing make up that day. I sat in the same spot for a while trying to get work done. When Misty returned after her class she walked in and said ” You’re in the same spot I left you earlier.” I replied “Yeah I am and I’ve only written five lines in all that time.” She laughed and walked into the studio.

Before I continue I need to tell you more about Misty. She can literally make my day like a million times better every time I see her. She is just such a positive person. She’s always smiling and says hi to everyone. She asks them how they are and usually gives them a hug at one point or another. I just love her voice too, it’s my absolute favourite thing.(End of Misty appreciation) Anyway’s I had to go to class shortly after she came back. I had a 2 hour class and then we had a quick radio society meeting about nominating people for the new committee from January onwards. First years are allowed to go for positions on it, so I’m going for PR officer. This is pretty much the person who is in charge of all the social media platforms and promoting of the society. With all of the time I spend on social media, I think I could be good at it. I then had another class for an hour and then I was done for the day. However, five of us decided to stay around to help each other take their photos for their storyboards. While we were around doing that though, they was a lot of 2nd years around recording for a radio show they have to do for an assignment, so it was really busy around there. Also there was auditions on for the College’s X-Factor type show, so there was more people around for that. We had fun going into lecture halls and just having a laugh while trying to take the photos. Afterwards, one of them was staying behind, one had gone home already, and the other two were getting a taxi. I waited with them until they got their taxi and then walked down to the house of the one that had gone home earlier. I had tea at his house and we watched a show that talked about past Late Late Toy Shows. Then he walked with me down to the bus stop before going down to our classmates house. I got home that night and I got a message from the girl who was letting me stay at her’s on the Thursday for a party I wanted to go to. She said that she was actually staying there, so I couldn’t stay there anymore. I panicked because I was so excited to go to this party and if I had no where to stay then I couldn’t go. I text one of my friends asking could I stay at theirs on their couch or something. I didn’t see his message back until the morning, he said that he was staying at one of the lad’s house but that yeah I could stay at his house and I could stay in his room and stuff.

I was so happy on Thursday, actually I was surprisingly happy all week even though I had little sleep a lot of the nights.  I had a few classes starting from half 10 and didn’t get a break until 1. Seeing as it was a Thursday, it was time for me to sit in on the radio show I’ve been sitting in on all year. It was really relaxed this week actually and I even got a freshly baked mini cookie that was lovely. Once the show was over, I tried to get some work done for the hour I had left before my next class but I wasn’t too successful(Girl,did I get any work done during this week? I mean the intention is there but I never did anything!). I went to a 2 hour lecture, that luckily finished a half an hour early. I did not want to go to that lecture, it’s absolutely pointless and I had so much better stuff to be doing with that time.(Yeah I did, not that I would have done those things had I skipped the lecture!!) Only 4 out of 12 people from my course actually bothered to show up and I was one of those 4. Not one person from one of the other courses showed up. There was only about 15 people there in total and there should have been at least twice that number. When I got back to the radio studio, one of the lads from my course was on doing a show, where he just played music and asked did I want to join him. So I went in with him and sat there helping him pick out songs for the next half an hour. Two other guys from my class had a show on after that so I stayed there for their one as well and the guy who had been on had before them had to go catch a bus.  Another guy from my class joined us as well for the show. There was 2nd years there again that night doing more recording. Misty came in and talked on the radio for a minute before leaving again but before she let the door close, Dale called me out of the studio. They said they needed me to record something for their radio show project. I had to pretend to call in and be the winner of a competition they were running in it. Misty gave me a hug to congratulate me on winning this fake competition.  I had to guess the year that two songs that they had played are from, they told me the year. They hadn’t a script but they prepared me before hand with what I needed to say. As part of the prize, I won €1000. So they asked me what was I going to buy with it. I said “I’m going to buy a PlayStation 4 for my best friend.”(She has since got a PS4, so now the pressure I put on myself to get her one is gone. Now just to get me one.) Also as part of winning I got to pick the next song so I just picked ‘About A Girl’ by The Academy Is… because I couldn’t think of another one.I went back into the lads who were on their show and told them about what happened and one of them thought that I had actually won €1000.

(Ok so all the stuff after this is all written from the perspective of now on March 28th, because I wasn’t sure about writing this at the time it happened. Honestly I can’t believe this night even happened and I still think it’s the best night I’ve had out. It’s was my 1st time getting drunk and people was so protective of me it was ridiculous but really sweet at the same time.)

Once the show finished, I took the bus with one of the lads to their accommodation. I think I had dinner there and got dressed up, before a group of us got a taxi to the accommodation that the party was on at. I had my school bag with me so I had to walk down to the accommodation that I was staying at first. Luckily one of the guys who was letting me stay there had to walk down that way for something. So he continued walking on and I went inside where I was staying to drop off my bag and then I walked back up to the party by myself, in the dark. So I went 1st into the apartment across from the party as one of my classmates lives there. I had my 1st drink of the night there. One of the girls from my class poured just less than a full cap of vodka and then a load of coke. So it just tasted like coke so I drank that relatively quick because they were all making their way over to the party. I went over the guy who’s party it was, he was 21, and I said “Happy Party” because his birthday had already happened. Nothing really happened for a while but I went back over to my classmates house for a bit and then when I came back some people had showed up who weren’t there before. Like the 3rd year who was probably my favourite person in college last semester(I think I’ll start calling her Caz), still love her  but she just isn’t around this semester so that title has been given to someone else.

Gilly Sorry

Anyways, she asked me did I want a drink but she didn’t want to push me. I said I really wanted a drink but I just didn’t know anything about alcohol. With me saying that a girl from 3rd year Creative Writing turned around and was like “I just heard you don’t know anything about drinking, I’m your girl I’ll teach you a thing or two. What do you think we should give her?” So they both decided that a good drink for me would be Captain Morgan’s and Fanta would be a suitable drink for me because it tastes like an orange split ice cream. So Caz went and made it for me and since she wasn’t too long at the party she was sober enough that she was being very cautious with how much alcohol she was giving me. So once I got my drink I was with her for a bit and then left the house again for a bit and when I came back Misty was there. She gave me a hug and said she was so happy that I was there. I told her what I was having a she smiled, her intial plan was to get me really drunk on my 1st night out. I sat down for a while and a 2nd year sat down next to me who I had never really talked to before but he’s lovely. He talked to me for ages and let me try his beer. (I was trying every drink that people would let me try.) There was nothing special about it, it just tasted like beer the only difference is that the bottle was bigger than a normal beer bottle. He got up after a while and two of the lads from my course came and sat down by me and Misty and her housemate. One of the guys was already kinda drunk and was just trying to compose himself. Misty was drinking this bottle of beer that she was handing over to him for him to try and he didn’t seem all that interested in it so I got him to pass the bottle to me. I immediately just knocked back the bottle but legit only had like a sip of actual beer. The action itself was still enough to get Misty to start yelling “Chug!Chug!Chug!” To which I responded with a hell no. Not because I was new to drinking but because I would be afraid I would end up choking or spilling the beer all over myself. Caz turned around when she heard the chanting that more practically the whole room had joined in on. She saw that this was directed at me and ran over to me, grabbed the beer out of my hand and proceeded to chug the entire bottle of beer. I was still sitting down and I just looked up at her with such awe and amazement. I said something along the longs of “You’re my hero,” but it was only loud enough for myself to hear as the rest of the room was cheering her on. After that she knelt down next to me and I told her that what she just did was amazing. She goes “Oh, that. Yeah I just did that so you didn’t have to, I couldn’t let you do that.” She stayed talking to me for a good few minutes and her friend was standing there at the side and was waiting for her to get up and Caz turned around and said “Wait, I’m talking to Sandra give me a few minutes.” The conversation consisted of her recounting of how people went up to her at the start of the semester telling her that they found a mini version of her, which was apparently me. She talked to me about my blogs for a little bit too or at least the ones that mentioned my mental illnesses. She even gave me her number 1. So I could text her when I got back to where I was staying and 2. So that if I was feeling really anxious or anything while she was away on work placement that I should text if I needed to talk to someone. Now with that in mind when I was having my anxiety attack there a few weeks ago I did actually think about texting her. I didn’t text her but I nearly did and I thought about it for a bit.

She got up after a few minutes and went over towards where the drinks were so I went over then and asked if she could make me another Captain Morgan’s and Fanta. At this point of the night she was fairly drunk and she made that drink a LOT stronger than the first one. She also can’t remember much that happened around and after this point of the night. I went and sat back down and one of the 3rd years who was one of our chairpeople for the radio soc, sat down next to me and asked me how I was getting on. He talked to me for a few minutes and he was happy that I was having a good time but he said to watch myself too and be careful. I went back over and talked to Caz for a bit but at this point people were getting ready to head out to the nightclub. When I stood up to walk over to her I felt a bit dizzy and I realised that I was drunk. My vision was a little blurry and very sideways. I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to make it to the nightclub and Misty and a boy from my class who lives in the house that I was going staying at were just about to get a drive home. I asked them if I could go with them and they said of course I could. So I told Caz that I was going and that I had to go wait outside for the car. She grabbed my hand and escorted me down the stairs of the party apartment and walked me out to where I had to wait with the others. She wouldn’t let go of my hand and I told her she could go back inside to the party she didn’t have to wait because Misty and the others were also with me. She refused to leave until she saw that I was leaving and I was safe. She did leave go of my hand for a bit though and Misty reassured her that they would take care of me. Also I was wearing a t-shirt and I didn’t have a coat or jumper or anything so Misty started hugging me. She said “You must be freezing”. I said, in my drunken state, “If I say I’m cold will you keep hugging me” She was like “Of course”. So I said “Yeah I’m cold absolutely freezing.” (Only just remembered that his happened.I wasn’t cold at all. I think this is embarrassing but also hilariously gay and I don’t ever want to forget it.) Caz grabbed hold of my hand again and when the car showed up she walked me over to it and I was the last person to get into the car. This being because Caz hugged me so tightly, kissed me on the cheek really forcefully, and just kept saying to me the entire time that I needed to text her when I got back. I just smiled and laughed at how affection she is when she’s drunk and also how similar I am to her when I’m drunk these days. So the car ride wasn’t very long but Misty took a selfie of the 2 of us together. (It’s been like 4 months and I have yet to see this selfie like. She also took another one there at some point this semester and that also hasn’t seen the light of day. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she’s after deleting them which was probably the best choice to be fair, because I definitely looked awful in them anyway.) We got to the houses and before Misty went off home I had to get Caz’ number off her because I think I hadn’t saved it on my phone earlier when I was with Caz because my phone was acting up. She gave me the number a she was walking away but I was like “Misty?” She turned around and I had my arms open for a hug so she kind of ran back and gave me and hug and then said goodnight and went home.  I text Caz and then I was knocked out the instant my head touched the pillow, I was so tired. I didn’t have a hangover but I was still a bit dizzy and off balance the next day. I saw Misty later on in college and when she asked how I was I said “Everything is still sideways” She just awed at the fact that I seemed so confused as to how I was feeling after being drunk for the 1st time.

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College Work and Societies:The Stress Is Real

I can’t possibly limit this to one day so I’ll start from Saturday and talk about how my hectic week went. So on Saturday, one of my good friends was having his birthday party because the kid finally turned 18 (I’m legit only just about a month older than him I don’t why I act like he’s years younger than me). I had assignments due all this week and I was 114 words into my first out of 6 journals. The journals were required to between the lengths of 500 to 750 words and they were due Monday. I couldn’t not go to the party because I been friends with him since I was 5. So I told myself that I would stay from 8:30-11 which was all on at the house and then when they’d be going out in town. Well let’s just say I didn’t stick by this time limit I gave myself. We were all still at the house until half 11 and then we walked into town. Suffice to say I was a bit drunk. I was running at one point on our trek into town and I have described it to everyone as  being the same as “walking on clouds.” It was such a weird but awesome feeling. I didn’t stay in town too long just for like another half an hour and then I rang my dad to pick me up. Before he showed up though I had my 2nd puff/drag/whatever you call it, of a cigarette. It went slightly better than my first time which was exactly a month earlier. I went home and got into bed around 1am.

On Sunday I got up at 9:15am and tried to start doing journals but because of my inability to focus I didn’t really start working on them until 8pm. I spent all that time freaking out and feeling stressed to the point that I wanted to walk down to the shop and buy a packet of cigarettes and smoke the entire box. Needless to say I didn’t do that not because I didn’t think I couldn’t do it but because it would have just wasted time where I could’ve been doing work. I also thought about if I really needed to stay in college. The answer is yes, yes I do. If it wasn’t for the friends I’ve made the answer would be no but this is actually the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and if I couldn’t see all them everyday I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. So I pulled an all-nighter to get them done at 5:45am and got only a few minutes to lie down and relax before my alarm went off. To make matters worse the only meal I had Sunday was a pizza at 3pm and didn’t eat again until having a jambon at around 9am Monday morning, also not proceeding to eat for the rest of Monday until I got home at half 10 at night.

Even with the lack of sleep and food in my system, I seemed in a rather good mood for the day other than stressing a little bit about getting my referencing done for my journals and getting them in on time (I did I got them in and I was so relieved). I hate the weekends sometimes because of the fact that I don’t see anyone from college. So on Monday morning I was waiting for Dexter to come in before his class at 10 but he didn’t I saw him later at 1 when he came in for his radio show. It wasn’t too bad I was in the studio with guys from my class and one of the other 2nd years. I had a class on in the recording studio at one point and one of the lads in my class made a mistaken when doing something on the computer and said “Sorry I just haven’t been thinking straight all day.” To which I quickly replied, “Are you thinking gay?” I don’t think he really heard me so he asked “What did you say to me?” I repeated my joke and his face sort of dropped and he said “You know that’s not funny, right?” Which obviously isn’t true as 2 of the guys who were in the room with us were laughing and anyone who I’ve told the joke to this week has laughed at it. I know it’s over-kill to go around repeating a joke but I wanted to make sure that it was in fact funny to prove the point to myself. After I had talked to Dexter for a bit and worked a bit on my referencing I had another class. When I went back downstairs to the radio studio after class, Jodi was sitting in there. I felt like I hadn’t seen her in ages  even though I had seen her Friday, the weekend felt very long. She was sitting over by the desk and I went over and hugged her from behind because I just needed to because I was stressed and hugs always help me. I’m rarely the person who initiates hugs so that was kind of an out of the blue think.I was really tired all day too so that meant I was more susceptible to actually hugging someone as opposed to  just thinking about it. Once I stopped hugging her and sat down beside her, the guy I had made the joke to earlier said he felt jealous and hugged her the same way I did.

Tuesday came and it was the day of the event. It was also the day I had storyboards and a shot list due for one of my modules which I only just got the storyboards done and got a one day extension on my shot list. That entire day was just full of running around and trying to get last minute stuff done and organised for the event. All the sound equipment had to be brought to the greyhound track and set up for our night at the races. Our event was to promote mental health and to reduce the stigma surrounding it. In the last number of weeks especially it was becoming more than just a charity event and people personally started to connect with it. I’ve been interested in this since the first time it was even suggested. I did make one of the longest posts for our campaign where we asked people about their thoughts on mental health. It got a fairly good response which self esteem wise is good for me as it was accompanied by a picture of myself and yeah hate posting those just no. I had a 2 hour lecture from 2-4 and then we were having a screening following that from 4-6. I left after the lecture because I was going to go and get ready. Instead I stayed in college for the until about half 5 or 6 finishing posting more mental health though posts. I was with the chairperson so I was still doing okay for time. I was staying at two of the guys from my course’s house with another guy from 2nd year who doesn’t live in Tralee. That meant that one of us got the couch and the other one got a couple of couch cushions on the floor.Luckily I got the couch! I was asked did I want to get ready over at the girls house and while I did think about it I said no. One reason being that I’ve never been one for “oh let’s all go over to her house and we can all get ready and go out together”. Not because I didn’t want to but because when I was younger I was never invited. Either it was the fact that they “didn’t think I was allowed”, “forgot” to ask their parents or just didn’t want me there. You would have thought I would have jumped at the chance this time but it’s taking me one step at a time to get over all the exclusion my “friends” had me witness when I was a child. Another reason I said no was because I legit only had to out on my dress and fix my make-up a little bit. I don’t put on tan or really do a lot when I’m going out in comparison to what other girls might do. So me getting ready with them would’ve made no difference really. When I left college I walked down to where I was staying with Jodi who had a little bit longer to walk on than I did as I was staying at the nearer accommodation to the college. Not only that but it was raining and I was the only one with a hood so she had to have her scarf over her head like an old woman. Anyways I went in and got ready and the ones I was staying with and I got a lift down to the venue. It was fairly empty and we still had stuff to set up. Other committee members and society members start showing up in the next half an hour.  Including one of my friends from the Animation who I spent the first 2 hours of the event with. One of our committee members was given the task of making us these orange ribbon pins 1. Because orange is the main colour for Bang FM 2. We were wearing them in memory of someone as one of our society members friends committed suicide the day before the event. I let the girl who made them put the pin on me though because I’m useless with safety pins. I would actually have stabbed myself with it if I had to do it.

The night went well except for the fact that I did no work. In my defense though I was a big part of the promotion and spent countless hours editing photos for three days following the event. I spent the first 2 hours with my friend in Animation and I had a cider with her. After she left I talked with some of the guys in my class  and one of the girls, also some 2nd years too. I had about 5 vodka and cokes in the rest of my time there with a bacardi breezer about half way through the night because I wanted to try it.  I got very drunk. ‘Twas great! I was really afraid I was going to do something I regretted but thank fuck I didn’t. I did however had my first full cigarette when I finally met up with Jodi. I had planned to smoke before I was drunk so this wasn’t some drunk mistake I was stressed I wanted to see if it would help. Maybe it would have if Jodi didn’t spend the whole time laughing at me because I didn’t know how to smoke. Well sooorrrry, I’m new at this. I think the real reason she laughed so much at me is due to to the fact that she showed me this hat she made in a hat making class and I kinda laughed a bit at it and I don’t know why because it was…nice? Nah just kidding, it was actually nice it’s just something about it made me laugh. She was a little bit reluctant to give me a cigarette but gave in after a few minutes of me asking ever so nicely-I just kept repeating “please” over and over again. She did say though that she was going to take it off me because she didn’t me having a full one but I finished it and she wasn’t able to take it off me. She also told one of my blogs made her cry, in a good way I think. It’s always weird whenever I hear that a blog of mine provokes an emotion instead of just a general “hey that was cool or interesting or shit.” We went back upstairs and I think I went back over the the guys from my class for a bit.  I think I went over to the bar for another drink or something and Jodi was sitting with some of her friends and in my drunken state I didn’t care that I didn’t know most of them and went over to her anyways. She was sitting down so I hugged her from behind again and I think she still wasn’t very drunk so I’d say she probably, maybe has a better recollection of this than I do. I think when I was hugging her I said something like “I’m very drunk” “Yeah Sandra I know it’s great” “I hope you don’t mind that I’m hugging you but I just thought I would” I think it was something along those lines and then I just walked away happy out. I kind of don’t know what the fuck happened to me that night, it was definitely the drunkest I’ve ever been so far more than likely because I had so much vodka. I remember going outside again with two of the people in my class and I had a few drags of a rollie which I didn’t like it was way stronger than the cigarette I had earlier. Later on in the night our chairperson, Dexter, had a speech to make and it was so well done. It was such a nice speech and I felt really proud of him even though I never told him that.  Following him was our last performer our SU president for next year he’s great. I was bopping away, like I always do when I’m drunk but unlike always I was trying to get Jodi to dance too. I didn’t keep asking her or trying to pull her up unwillingly. Instead, oh god, I extended my hand out to her in a way you see a Disney prince asking the fair princess for a dance like “Can I have this dance m’lady”. Thank fuck I didn’t curtsy or some shit like that, because I was embarrassed enough to wake up to the realization that I had even done what I did. What made it worse was that it was also captured on video so it was there for everyone to see for 24 hours. Greeeeaaattttt. Drunk me just can’t dodge cameras as well as sober me, my only downfall of drunk me so far.

I got back to accommodation at around 10 to 2 in the morning which wasn’t bad. I did get some bit of sleep, not much but still some bit. I was really tired, too tired to even change out of my dress. My alarms went off fairly early because I still had them set to their normal 6:15am as well as earlier than that because I worry about sleeping out even though I never hear those really early alarms.  I walked to college with the 2nd year,who was staying in the same house as me, early enough and we up at college for 10 past 8. I felt drunk for the entirety of Wednesday and all I could stomach in the morning was a coffee and nothing else. I was so tired and extra stressed and slowed down the whole day. I had to finished filling out forms for a certain time and then that kept getting a extended to later on in the day and I ended up working on them and not sending them in until 4 minutes to midnight. It didn’t help that Jodi came in about two or three times during the day and was like “You know those should be done and sent in by now” She was kind of messing with us, they did need to be in but they weren’t be to strict as long as they were in before 8am on Thursday morning. The last time she came in though around 7 o’clock that evening I thought I was actually going to freak the fuck out. I don’t know who I would’ve been angry with whether it was going to be her or Dexter or both. I was just so done. She left and me and Dex kept working through forms. I called one of my friends from back home and talked to her for about 40 minutes and Dexter even talked to her for a few minutes. We left college together but before we parted ways when I had to go down to the bus he thanked me for the work I was doing and gave me a hug. Then when I got home he sent me this really sweet thank you message. He said one thing that really stuck out though “It’s been a pleasure to call you a friend” One simple sentence that nearly made me cry a lot. I don’t think anyone had ever said that to me before or at least not in a way that felt so sincere that I actually really believed it.

I went in on Thursday really stressed because it was my 4th day in a row where I had something due and I hadn’t started it til the morning it was due. I really needed a hug. See as I write this blog I realise how needy I actually am and how I just always want a hug. Needless to say I didn’t get one. Had I seen Dexter I was going to ask him outright for a hug. I didn’t see him but I tend not to see much of him on a Thursday so my next bet was Jodi. I did see her but it was only like 2 minutes and I think I was kind of a bitch to her and it was so late in the day that my need for a hug surpassed. My Friday wasn’t all that great either bar that in the evening I finally got all the photos from Tuesday’s event edited and uploaded to Facebook. I got a call off Dexter via Facebook, first time I’ve used that feature. Also it was weird because he’s never called me before and nobody ever calls me. I like calls but I haven’t much reason to call someone and people tend to prefer texting or something like that.