Evoked Emotions From An Empty Heart.

As I sit in silence in my isolated bedroom,
I am surrounded by darkness.
The room is only lit up by the light of the computer screen.
How depressing this must seem.

I, a girl of youth, up 'til all hours, online.
I should be well-rested.
I should wake up early and happy.
I should be energetic and excited.

I should do a lot of things.
Alas, I don't do them. 
Every moment is fleeting.
I waste time, I waste everything.

I often ponder what the world would be like without me.
Surely it would not be much different.
Perhaps a little more cheery and positive,
As I do nothing but spread negativity.

I am greedy.
I am never happy with what I have.
Or,at least, not until recently.
You see, I found a kindred spirit.

I don't know if she is real.
She must be, as my imagination is limited.
Writing is my only creative path.
She makes me question reality.

Happiness is very rare for me.
I am not a happy person.
I can act happy.
I have always been told I could never be an actor.

All because I act happy.
I do it with such conviction they believe it to be true.
My happy demeanor, is not serious and thus I lack discipline.
I am told I would laugh at the call of action.

Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.
She makes me believe I could do anything.
She thinks I am intelligent.
She has too much faith in this waster.

I feel as though I don't act around her.
I forget my woes, I forget life is happening.
Time freezes and my heart softens.
Contrasting the constant tense,clenched feeling of my constrained heart.

Sometimes emotional anguish can take physical form.
My heart hurts in more ways than one.
One day it will stop,
Maybe then I can rest.
 
Love makes people crazy.
But what if you're already crazy?
I love people too much.
I am crazy.

Have you ever wanted to hug someone,
Hug them so tight, that you make them feel your love?
What reaction would this cause?
A sympathetic almost equal hug back.

Love is never equal.
One always cares more than the other.
I am always that one.
One left alone with a teddy and a wish.

I wish to be loved and hugged tightly with such love,
But a teddy will never hug back.
Will my wish ever come true?
Am I stuck in a perpetuating cycle of despair?

She makes my wish seem possible.
I push her away.
I push everyone away.
I know she will start to pull away.

She will grow tired of me.
I am tired of me.
If you looked inside my brain,
You would see how exhausting it is to be me.

Each day I consider to be my last.
I got up today,
Will I get up tomorrow?
Do I have reason to?

Even if I did, 
I need to reason with myself.
"This reason is reason enough,
I need to get out of bed."

Existing is exhausting.
I exist, I live, I breathe.
I love, I hate, I break.
A lot goes on in the mind of the quiet.

A lot goes on in the mind of the loud.
The quiet hears their brain yelling.
The loud hears an eerie whisper that echoes,
Echoing until the loud listens.

Even in the most isolated,silenced of places,
It will never be quiet.
You are never truly alone.
Your thoughts accompany you everywhere.

Thinking,thinking, and then what?
Why won't the thought translate itself?
Thoughts are peculiar!
We can think about something, but not talk about it.

The thought can't be put into words.
"What's wrong with you?"
The thought is there but you can't explain it.
Nobody knows how to explain it.

You try to force the changing of a thought into speech,
You stutter and stammer until you find a seemingly appropriate word.
It's still not right, 
But what ever is?








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