This is probably one of the best starts academically to a semester I’ve had. I’ve found the modules I have this semester to be more interesting than any set of modules I’ve had so far. Socially, I just think it’s been only ok up until Thursday night when I went on a night out with some people from my class, my housemates, and some 4th years of my course. I didn’t see much of the 4th years this week and with the 3rd years gone on work placement I felt kind of lonely. Luckily I did have my class to rely on for company but I did miss everyone else around the place. Since the 4th years have their own room they tend to stay in there most of the time and don’t really go into the studio all that much anymore. So it’s really just my class and that are in there for the most part these days.
I made it to every class this week so I’m proud that I started the semester off on a good note. I really hope that this is the semester I can really redeem myself. I want to bring up my GPA and it has drastically dropped since I got my results today. I failed one of my modules. As much as I expected it, I still cried when I saw the result as I sat alone in the radio studio earlier today. Thank god a little later on I saw one of my roommates and she gave me a hug and told me not to worry too much about it and that made me feel a lot better. It’s funny for anyone to look at my Snapchat story at the moment and see my snaps go from “I’m ridiculously happy” to me going “Fuck you Media Graphics!” I failed Media Graphics, a module I was once excited to do. Well lucky me I’m not rid of that subject now until August! Once I started doing the module I grew to hate it almost immediately. I failed my first submission only getting 22% on my sketchbook work which wasn’t “even worth 10% of my overall grade.” A surprising comment despite that CA giving me 11% in my overall grade. I was also told that nothing in my sketchbook had any relevance to any of my ideas. Right so you think that a simplified version that I found online of my main idea is not relevant. While I don’t think I can give enough reason for the CA grade to go up I do think her reasons she gave me were less than valid. When it came to my other/final submission for it, I was really proud of what I did. I had to design a poster and I chose to do mine for an event. I chose to do it for next year’s Pink Training since I had been to the 2016 around the time I was deciding a new idea. I feel a reason I could have been docked marks for this is because it might have needed to be an original event idea. Not that I think that would be the main focus of this assignment. Either way I got 38% for my poster and my new additions to my sketchbook. I also stopped going to class after I got the the sketchbook CA result because the lecturer just made me feel like a complete piece of shit. I dreaded going into the class, and I usually walked out of the class feeling upset in some way. Not that she ever said anything to me in most classes but when she did it was always ripping my work to shit. I didn’t really like the module which isn’t any excuse for doing so badly in it. It is somewhat relevant to career prospects from my course but at the same time it’s not one of the main outcomes of it. It also isn’t as irrelevant to our course as the likes of Databases. I just hate that I have to repeat such a vile subject that I don’t feel like I learned all that much from. I tried to get the most out of it as I could but realistically everything we were thought I probably could have picked up myself using online tutorials. I know I didn’t go to classes once I got that CA result but all that happened in those classes I skipped was working on the project and having her making her own changes to a project that is supposed to be yours. Fair enough if she was the client I was making the poster for but she’s not. I’m actually tempted to send my poster off to the Union of Students of Ireland so they can tell me what they think of it. Obviously I made up all the info on it because I don’t know where or who will be involved with it for the next one. I won’t do that though because the USI are incredibly busy especially this weekend with their Women in Leadership conference which I would have really liked to have gone to but I know if I want to do well this semester I should try and refrain from going to things like that as much as I might want to go.
I was going to write about my night out but I think I’ll leave this one out for once because for the most part it was perfect and I don’t feel like writing about. It feels like it was some sort of wonderful dream. It was a shorter night than usual but I just felt so happy the entire time.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my birthday. It is one week from Sunday and I don’t know why I keep thinking about it. I’m only turning 19 so it’s not that special of a birthday but I always worry about the fact that no one will care. I’ve never had someone who was ever excited about my birthday yet I’ve seen people I know get so excited about the birthday of one of their friends that they’ll go to a massive amount of effort in doing something for that friend or creating a collage (which I ultimately dislike, but if you go to the effort of making one I will still appreciate it), or writing some thoughtful, sincere birthday message on their Facebook wall (my preferred present). For the most part, people your friends with won’t spend all day complimenting you, telling you all the reasons they like you, or tell you how much they appreciate you and are thankful that you were born. I don’t do that and I don’t know anyone of does. First of all, I’m sure someone would find it creepy in a way if all someone did was say all these things to them because it sounds a bit obsessive. Every no and again it’s fine but more than that is crossing some sort of line. Secondly, if someone was telling you these things all the time they were lose their sincerity and you would begin to think the person is lying or just saying it because they think it’s a nice thing to say whether it’s actually true or not. I find that these things are said to me on nights on usually when my friends are a few drinks in. Like I do know there’s sincerity and a truth behind what they’re saying and for a while what they said will make me feel loved and happy but then I start to question that they only said it because they were a bit drunk. I have been complimented and told nice things by them when their sober too but not nearly as often or as meaningful. Usually when their drunk they say the things that I really wanted to hear them say. When their sober it tends to be something smaller and nothing particularly special. I do think that on my birthday it would be nice if I got told actual, tangible, true feelings or reasons they have towards me as a person and our friendship. I want to cry from happiness from my birthday messages not just read it, smile and never look at it again. I want it to be something I can read a million times over. Hence why I made a birthday book for Jodi’s 21st because it essentially was what I would like. I do think it is somewhat of a luxury gift, particularly in my eyes as what my friends would genuinely think about me really concerns me yet it’s something I crave more than anything. I don’t expected to get one or expect to get anything similar but a girl can dream can’t she?