What better way to get back into blogging than writing about how proud I am to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community. It’s hard to believe that I’ve only been out about 2 years now. The fact that I’m so comfortable in my sexuality, especially recently, is something that I feel so lucky to have. I make a lot of jokes about my gayness and my friends join in from time to time.
“Sandra, if you found out that you had become pregnant what questions would you be asking?”
“Well first of all you’d be like ‘I’m a lesbian, how did I get pregnant?'”
It took us both a while to stop laughing at that one while everyone else in the room didn’t really react. I honestly couldn’t look at her for a few minutes after because I would’ve started laughing again.
I’ve gotten a lot of people not really believing me when I say I’m gay. They say that I’m bisexual and that I definitely have a thing for guys too. While I have to be happy that they recognize bisexuality and don’t say something idiotic like “You’re just straight, you’re only saying you’re gay for attention and so you have something different about you.” I would like to set the record straight, because I’m not. I am gay. I know my need to keep trying to drive home that fact might seem like I’m getting defensive. I’m just trying to be factual. Maybe someday the book I end up writing will just be called “The Herstory of Sandra” where I detail everything about myself and give a timeline of all the major events of my life like a history book. I understand where people might get the idea that I might like guys. I have a lot of guy friends who maybe I talk about a lot sometimes, sorry that I enjoy their friendship so much. Also I can identify an attractive man and have a type despite not wanting to do or even speak to them, merely identify and look at pictures of them because let’s face it, it’s probably a celebrity. I also might make jokes about wanting to be with said people and say I have a crush on them. Just because I say these things doesn’t mean I want to ride their dick into to sunset, it’s called a joke. Do I have to say jk after saying anything like that to make it legit? No matter how strong of feelings I’ve ever had towards a guy I tend to play it up for my enjoyment because my feelings won’t get hurt if I do that with a guy. I make up a story in my head. I tell people about it. It makes my life more fun. I’ll never actually try anything with a guy but if there is someone I genuinely like it’s fun to imagine a relationship with them that will never happen because it’s just the idea of being loved and being with someone. Have someone to think about, to talk about. It might sound stupid but I like to have something like a fictitious relationship to think about because it’s something positive and fun, don’t I deserve to have something positive in my mind to distract me from something negative that could bring me down??
During the last few months, I have become obsessed with RuPaul’s Drag Race. I have watched every season and I have crushes on some of the drag queens in and out of drag, mostly in drag though. My favourite queens include, but are not limited to, Jinkx Monsoon, Courtney Act, Bianca Del Rio, Katya Zamolodchikova, Trixie Mattel and Trinity Taylor. I’ve had a little bit of an obsession solely on Courtney Act for the last few weeks and everything about her just makes me happy especially during the summer while I’m going stir crazy and isolating myself from the world outside my house. I am actually going to be going to my very first drag show in August if everything goes to plan and I am beyond excited. Seeing all these pride festivals on all over the world recently makes me really want to go and be involved in all these LGBTQIA+ right now. So I’m hoping on top of going to that show that maybe I can also go to the pride parade that depends when it’s on during that week.
Due to the fact that I haven’t really talked to many people in the last month, I have had a lot of weird and wonderful dreams which I’ve been vicariously trying to survive the summer through. I had a dream a few weeks ago that I was getting married. The person I was getting married to wasn’t important at all. I have no idea who they were and they were barely in it. The dream was more so all about me and I was having a pre-wedding party. It was like a festival just for me. It primarily consisted of a lot of different drag queens performing for me. I remember Trixie Mattel, Ginger Minj, and Bianca del Rio on stage doing performances. I later on in the dream have a wonderful interaction with Jinkx, Detox, and Alaska. Also due to the dream being everything I wanted, Alaska was out of drag because I have such a crush on Justin, I think he’s adorable and I love his hair and eyes. I woke up from having that dream and I tried to get back to sleep to continue it but it was like 2pm and I had to get out of bed so unfortunately that was the end of that dream.
Keeping with the lesbian trend though, I also had a dream recently where a fellow, much more experienced, lesbian who appeared in my dream depicted as being someone I wasn’t into but asked for their advice on how to ask out a girl I did like. She was reluctant at first because she liked the same girl but knew that the girl preferred me to her decided to help me. Again we were at a wedding, not mine but someone’s. It was on in a hotel but I went up to the room with this fellow lesbian and left the girl I liked downstairs dancing around the place. So I’m just walking this girl down the hallway of the hotel to go to her room so I can ask her some questions away from all the noise. I ask her along the way if she could advise me on how to make out with or “shift” a girl because I have never done that before. Before she can even react out of several rooms in that hallway several room doors open and a girl pops out of each one and they are all in shocked, it felt like something out of a musical and they were the chorus line gasping in unison. The girl I was walking with just rolls her eyes as if she’s was thinking “Ughhh why do they do this every time a baby dyke expresses how much a virgin they really are?” We go into her room and she says that she can’t tell me how to shift someone, the only way to learn is by doing. She says she’ll make out with me but purely for educational purposes and that’s all it was. Like I said earlier there was no attraction from either party so it was actually just educational. Afterwards I feel confident, so I rush downstairs and shift the face off the girl I liked, it was a very fun dream.